So I know I need to post. I actually don't even know where to begin. Do I start with how I am really feeling and maybe to some people sound way negative and sad. and of course I just sat down to do this and Logan wakes up. I also could start with telling everyone how the kids are doing and what we are up to and put this energy out there that I am doing amazing and that I dint need any help (which by the way I am really good at doing)
I am thinking of starting another blog one just for the kids and updates on all the Joy that they bring to me and then keep another one where I can feel free to write how I feel and what I am going through from my medical standpoint and also Logans. But I am so afraid of the little amount of people that do read this and old friends will not follow it. I know I am so crazy and sooo insecure.
I have this survey thing I have to fill out for something all about me and I sat down to fill it in last night and thought OH MY GOSH I do not know me I don't know what I like anymore and I still am trying to fill it out and am having a hard time with it. as Snow whites says it best..."that's sad".
I don't know why I have such a hard time being me and so afraid what people will think or say.
I was just sitting here today(well really I am in the middle of painting the bath room) and thinking How much pain my body is in. and then Remembering that just 3 months ago "I" had a Heart attack and how quickly we all forget about that. I often feel like I hope I don't regret doing to much and will I really see the affects of this later in life. on the other hand I have this tuff stubborn I need to just keep going cant ask for help have to be strong. I don't even know how I would ask because I just don't know. I have wonder Women as a mom she does all and never stops going I sometimes fell like I can't talk to her because she just does not understand me having pain and I need to just keep going. I think that is why I have a hard time with how to feel.
The most frustrating thing about this whole thing is that each doctor says something different and there really does not seem to have any closer. I feel Like I always have one thing after another so I am so tired of telling people whats going on. Hopefully next week when I go in to the Heart Doctor we might be able to have more answer for me.
this is so random but its whats on my mind.
The kids are doing awesome both getting SOO big I love then both so much.
I will post pictures soon of what we are up to.
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7 comments:
I'll follow both your blogs if you decide to do that.
I think you need to post more regularly and then get business cards made with your blog's address on it, so when people ask you what's going on, you can just give them the card. Ha!
I hope your appointment goes well next week. :)
I remember right after we moved back from FL and we were getting all settled with Ash. I also felt like I didn't know "me" anymore. Between all the hats that we wear, sometimes it is easy to lose our sense of self. The only really good advice that I have is to hang on to your testimony because that is what will get you through the really tough days.
I hope you have more energy and the Drs are able to give you some information that you can actually work with. Love ya.
Oh Emily, I'm so sorry you are going through all that you are! Remember that not only did you have a heart attack three months ago, you also had a brand new baby too and that alone can be so overwhelming. I think it is easy to see our Mom's as being able to do everything but I guarantee that they faced the same struggles when they were Mom's of young kids too, they have just had a lot more practice :) Hang in there, don't be afraid to ask for help, and don't be afraid to take some time out for yourself. Love you!
Don't knock yourself out trying to be supermom. Most mom's aren't. My house looks like a tornado every day! I can't even get dinner on the table 5 nights a week. Piper wears dirty clothes to school all the time (it's a uniform so I never quite know which parts are clean). Just love your kids. That's the important part! Praying for your health :)
I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. I have been sick a couple of times since Grant was born, and every time I just think how awful it is to be a mother and be sick. I can't imagine what it must be like in your situation. I hope that you are able to find answers to your health problems soon. And I would definitely read any blog that you have. Love you!
Emily, it looks like you have some good friends here with some great advice. I hope you are able to see the wonderful person you are. You have many wonderful talents. You are strong. Just think about yourself in the past and how your trials have shaped you and are still shaping you into a wonderful, caring person. I will keep you in my prayers. Your kids are so lucky to have you as their mom.
Emily- look at all the friends and support you have! There are so many people that care about you and love you. If there is one that I wish for it's that I could be there to help you. We were supposed to go through this whole "new second babies" thing together! But you are so amazing, that you don't even need me! Just remember how many people love you. Especially Heavenly Father. And I know you know that because I know you have a strong testimony. Love you, girl!
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