The Two Joys in my life

Preslee is 4 months!! This is crazy it seems like just yesterday I had her.  She is getting so Long and Skinny.  The f 0-3 fits her size wise but they are way to short for her and the 3-6 months swallow her but good on her long legs. 
STATS:
25 1/2 inch
13lbs 11 oz
This puts her in the 95% for height and 50% for weight. 
She did so good at the doctors got three shots and has slept most the afternoon.  Now she is just rolling on the floor.

Things Preslee can do now:

*I found one of those rain Forrest bouncers at a garage sale last weekend and she loves bouncing in it. She only last about 10-15 min then she gets tired and wants to take a cat nap.
 *We often say how fragile she is and dainty, compared to Logan.
*She loves laying on the floor and rolling all over, if she was a little stronger I think she would be crawling she gets her knees under her but her arms don't quit know what to do.
For the most part she sleeps at night. She does not go to bed until late but then she will sleep like 6 hours at a time and just want to eat and goes back down.(Doctor told me today to try and not feed her during the night which I know is good not to but its easy to just give her the bottle to go back to sleep...and this is why my two year old still has his which I DO NOT WANT for miss P.
*No teeth yet just drools like crazy.
* Has a big beautiful smile that she gets a Little dimple soo so cute.
*Still has her blue eyes and auburn hair and pail pail skin.
*Loves talking to us
*instead of crying when she gets mad she normally just grunts at us which is so cute...you can already see her little temper I don't know where she gets that:) she wants HER way.

She is growing so fast we just love her so much.

Logan:
Logan is getting Soooo Big. he is already 40 lbs. Not sure on his height but tall totally skipped 2t and went straight to 3t.
He is starting to talk so much.
today he asked"help please" it made my day.
I really can not get enough of this kid. It makes me sad to think about him growing up and not being my little baby. But I am also excited to see him grow.
Logan is a big handful for me there are some days that I just sit and cry and have NO clue how to handle him or fell that I am not patient enough with him and then there are the days that I think OK I can be patient I am good at this I can do this.

I finally got some paper work mailed last week to a specialist for him and I am waiting to hear back to get an appointment.  I will post about it later. It was really hard for me to fill it out but I am so grateful I got it off and Now its the waiting game.  I really hope they can help me b/c I am feeling at my breaking point and could really use some help with learning how to help him.
Anyways more on Logan and what he is up to...
(I so wish I was better at this when he was younger)
He loves singing the ABC song and does it over and over all day long
he also counts to 20 over and over and says numbers numbers b/c he wants to play with the numbers on my phone(which he could do all day long.)
This amazing Lady in our ward gave Logan her kids old leapster and he Loves playing it it helps calm him down.
He loves the Mormon Message I am a child of god song and will sing the whole song....Every time I try to record him singing it he wont silly little boy.
He loves his baths
Snow white is one of his fav movies and knows most the lines out of it and will act it out with them. WAY CUTE
He loves Little enisteiens.  and all the instruments in the show.  He can tell you what instruments are what. he knows the trombone,truphet,bass, cello,drums, cymbol, flute and several others. 
He loves to sing. He loves music it calms him. we watch the Mo tab choir every sunday and he loves it.
Oh at church for our primary sacarement this little boy played the cello and he heard it and started to scream A cello a cello I love that he loves music.
He loves nursery. Anytime someone says amen in sacarment he yells Nursery Nursery and starts to run to Nursery I am sooo glad he loves it and goes. It took a couple of tries going but now he is a regular.
*Logan still does not play very much with other kids but he is gettting better at it.
I try and take him to the park a couple of times a week. At first it was very hard on me but now he does amazing and really loves it. He even started to go down the slide by himself this past couple of weeks.  He does all his different patters like he has to walk the same steps and go to the letters say all them and then go down the slide.  I have learned to just be patient and go along with it.
He does not pay much attenetion to miss P but when he does it is so cute it melts my heart.
Logan his so loving he kisses me all the time.  He is going to be one big sweetheart. 
I could go on and on but there is a few things about my kids.
I am so greatfull for the two I have I really can  not picture my life without them.
They  bring Joy to my life.

Thank goodness I found it

OH MY GOSH!! I just spent an hour writting a post all about the kids and I just deleted it on accident!! I am going to DYE!!

Random feelings

So I know I need to post. I actually don't even know where to begin. Do I start with how I am really feeling and maybe to some people sound way negative and sad. and of course I just sat down to do this and Logan wakes up. I also could start with telling everyone how the kids are doing and what we are up to and put this energy out there that I am doing amazing and that I dint need any help (which by the way I am really good at doing)
I am thinking of starting another blog one just for the kids and updates on all the Joy that they bring to me and then keep another one where I can feel free to write how I feel and what I am going through from my medical standpoint and also Logans.  But I am so afraid of the little amount of  people that do read this and old friends will not follow it.  I know I am so crazy and sooo insecure. 
I have this survey thing I have to fill out for something all about me and I sat  down to fill it in last night and thought OH MY GOSH I do not know me I don't know what I like anymore and I still am trying to fill it out and am having a hard time with it. as Snow whites says it best..."that's sad".
I don't know why I have such a hard time being me and so afraid what people will think or say.
I was just sitting here today(well really I am in the middle of painting the bath room) and thinking How  much pain my body is in. and then Remembering that just 3 months ago "I" had a Heart attack and how quickly we all forget about that.  I often feel like I hope I don't regret doing to much and will I really see the affects of this later in life.  on the other hand I have this tuff stubborn I need to just keep going cant ask for help have to be strong. I don't even know how I would ask because I just don't know.  I have wonder Women as a mom she does all and never stops going I sometimes fell like I can't talk to her because she just does not understand me having pain and I need to just keep going. I think that is why I have a hard time with how to feel.

The most frustrating thing about this whole thing is that each doctor says something different and there really does not seem to have any closer.  I feel Like I always have one thing after another so I am so tired of telling people whats going on.  Hopefully next week when I go in to the Heart Doctor we might be able to have more answer for me. 

this is so random but its whats on my mind.
The kids are doing awesome both getting SOO big I love then both so much.
I will post pictures soon of what we are up to.

Preslee Rose Fackrell

Preslee Rose Fackrell

7.5 LBS 20 Inches

6-30-2011

8:43A.M

I can not believe it has been two weeks.  I have been wanting to post this plus birth story for a while its just finding the time to do it and also the words to know how to write everything that happen.  There was a little complication when delivery started we are both doing amazing now but I ended up having a Heart attack minutes before they where going to deliver Preslee.  For now I am just posting this just for those who keep asking for pictures but i will Soon post about the whole thing.  (Yes I know its hard to believe at 27 I really did have a Heart Attack and I really am doing good...Thank you priesthood blessing and Heavenly Father)

Here are a few pictures and I through one in of Logan cause he is just so cute and getting so big!

 I love her little toes all pointed

 I love this little boy! he is so happy b/c he is about to go Swim with Daddy

about to go home:) OH HAPPY DAY!

Emotions

FOUR Days!!! So I am kinda stumped on what to really write but I just feel Like I really should and then it came to me that I wanted to write a little of what has been going on the last couple of weeks to be able to remember the last weeks with only One child.  Lets just say the last oh three weeks have been crazy! Crazy not in the way of me doing things to get ready for the baby but crazy b/c we have been way sick.  I have had no voice for two and Half weeks I finally got it back about Saturday. Our schedule has been way off Logan has been sleeping and eating like you would not believe.  I think it has been a blessing but its been kinda hard to get him back on a good schedule.  We have been sleeping in tell like ten and then really not doing anything the rest of the day.  I was planning on swimming everyday and just spending some fun time with him...We have spent lost of time together just not out and about more like lying in bed cuddling.  He is not that big of a cuddlier but the last couple of weeks he can not cuddle me enough he has just been so cute.  He will talk and talk and then say mama and give me a kiss like over and over its cute but then your like OK enough kisses:) and he will just come give me a hug and then pat my back.  I love this little boy so much.  He also can not get close enough to me he will be on my lap on my tummy but he just wants to get closer and it kills my belly but he just wants to be with me.  I am not sure if its b/c we have all been under the weather or if he is sensing that something is changing or probably both.  The only thing with the whole sleeping in thing is that he WILL not take a nap...NO BUENO.  I am grateful that we lounge in the morning especially b/c  I am moving sooo slow these days but then come 5 I am going crazy b/c we have been stuck inside all day with no nap.  We are starting to get back on sleeping right but really until the baby comes I think this is just the way its gotta be.
We have done some fun things we have been swimming quite a bit and Logan LOVES the water he so wants to just swim I am thinking next summer it will come to him.  He loves when me and Ian count 123 and then push him under the water back and fourth.  If we do not count fast enough he will start saying 1 3  its so cute.  I went under the water and so he thought he should try it he is so brave...in the water he gets scared going down slides:) We also have been going to these little kid music concert every wed.  They are fun Logan is not sure about them he stays close by but its been fun getting out of the house lets hope for next year he will get up and dance and enjoy it better. 
Lets see we have gone to play group well like once its a lot of work to go to play group for me its at a big pool where Logan cant stand so with his no fear I have to chase him and its just a lot of work. 

This is WAY long sorry
So I have been wanting to nest and then I just have nothing to give and I have been so frustrated with it.  I have so much to do to get ready for my mother in law to come and baby but just not an inch of energy to do anything.  I feel like I just sit here and look at everything that needs to get done and then I cant and I get so frustrated.  It is coming together but I just wish I could get up and just work work work like i normally can.  I think I have got to the point of it is what it is.  Its really not bad I just am way weird aka pairinord about my house looking clean ( I know I have Issues with it)  but instead of cleaning I have decided that Oh I am just sitting here Why don't I sew...BAD IDEA! Cause it seems to be when the boys go to be and it gets late and then I stay up way late b/c I make mistakes b/c I am so tired.   I have sewn a diaper bag which I had decided I would not do and then last week was like oh I can do that silly me and then when I cut it out I did not cut on the fold which throw the whole thing off I was able to redeem it with re cutting as much as I could(I was using fabric I had so did not have much extra) and then my mom helped me save it.  I think I could have done it on my own I just was so over it that I think if i tried i just would have said forget so I am glad she helped.  It turned out pretty cute.
So when I was in the middle of making the bag and it was not working I decided to start a new project I know way smart and messed that one up, well kinda.  I decided to make a car seat blanket cover thingy.  My friend gave me her pattern and said it was way easy. leave it to me to mess it up.  Oh did I mention that I really am not a sewer I just kinda make it up as I go from watching my mom and free tutorials.  So on this pattern it said fold in HALF and round the edge MAKE SURE NOT TO CUT ON FOLD Well I did not cut on fold but I did think oh it would be easier to cut if i made it smaller to cut aka in FOURTHS I don't know what I was thinking well it was way late so I cut it I now have more then just rounded edges.  I think it actually is going to turn out pretty good and different then all the others.  It just was harder to sew instead of just a straight line I had to go up and down all the half circle.  Its still not finish but hopefully I will tomorrow:)
So then Saturday night I decided to make a fourth of July Wreath that was well another this should take an hour turned into two and then another hour tonight but IT IS FINISHED!!! It turned out so cute I am glad I made it. 
I do still have a lot of things I want to get down but I am just going to go with it and not stress if I get them done great if not oh well. 
We have a crazy week which will be good it will help the week go fast.  lost of Dr appointment and MIL coming in. 
I cant wait to meet this little girl I am way nervous to have two kids and I hope Logan does good is it crazy that it makes me a little sad for Logan to not be the only child I spoil him so much I hope this does not rock his world too much.  Thank you to all my friends who have helped me and send your love I really need it I have the personality that I need to feel needed and loved. 
Please come visit me I may look like crap but I really like visitors with Logan I got baby blues so I am hoping to not this time and visitors will help!
I know this is way long and ALL over the place so hopfully you could follow it:)

Stressed!

This is a MAJOR understatement! Baby is coming in two weeks and I am sick! And have been for the past week. Today I have NO voice none Nada and my throat is on fire! I have not been this sick since they took my tonsils out a couple of years ago. I have SO much to do and I can not move.  I went to the doctor Monday and he gave me some stuff to take and I thought I was feeling better yesterday but it was all lie.  I was up all night again (have not sleep more then 2-3 hours a night for a week) And woke up with a bad headache and a really sore throat and my body just aces from A sleeping on the couch(yes Ian kicked me out of bed b/c I was keeping him up) and B coughing so much has made the muscle in my tummy so sore and it kills! I REALLY need to get better I can not move and it is killing me.  I want to do all this stuff with Logan before baby comes and I want  NEED to CLEAN for my mother in law to come to town.  I think this is what is most stressful getting my house ready  for my MIL to come. She has never seen our new house and not that she really cares but I am putting a lot of stress on myself for her coming...more then having this baby.  I feel so overwhelmed.  I feel like all I do is CLEAN and it is never done and never clean.  ( Don't get me wrong I don't have like a crazy messy house) just a little unorganized.  I have my moms pack ratness and my Dads OCD and it drives me crazy. I am not a very organized person I try so hard but its just not me.  and I really want it to be before my MIL comes.  And with being sick I have not got ANYTHING done.  On top of that Ian is gone A LOT I don't think he has had a day of (besides Sunday and even then he has worked them the last couple of weeks) in like two months.  I am making him take Saturday off so we can get things done.  I just hope that I feel better!

One mans Trash another man Treasures

Last summer Ian and I went to the thrift store to find some amazing deals....Well did we ever.  I found a really cute white crib that just so happened to have the color sticker that was 50% off that day.  I really wanted it and Ian thought I was crazy b/c Logan had a crib and at the time No baby # 2 was on the way. But how could I pass up a sleigh bed crib for $29. Yes it needed to maybe be painted but I paint everything any ways so it would be fine.  (Oh i just remembered Logan's crib need the metal bottom thing so that is how I got Ian to let me buy it:) So we bought it and it has been sitting ever since.  Well we pulled it out last weekend to paint it off white to match the hutch I painted and found that we where missing some parts.  So i went on line to get the instructions on how to put it together and see about ordering the parts to find that It had been RECALLED.  My first thought was YAY we could get a new crib then immediately my second thought was is that honest to buy a crib for $29 at a thrift store and then send in the recall to get a new one.  I came to the conclusion that yes it was OK for me to send in the recall b/c that is why it is there to keep your babies safe.  So we did everything they said to send in and away it went.  I was a little nervous (well I am just in nature anyway a nervous person) but you just hope your sending in the right stuff and will they really send you a new one ect ect.  Well I just got the e-mail saying they received all the screws, Pictures, showing we had the crib and will be sending our new crib today!!! YAY! we are getting a new crib.  I have no Idea what crib we are getting but I know it has to be better then the one we have. I will post picture when we get the new one.  I was going to paint the old one off white to match but I will not paint the new one we will just let it be:) It makes me want to go to the thrift store and see what other Treasures I can find. 

The Verdict is in!

Today we went to the doctor...My poor poor Doctor.  So two weeks ago I meet with his Partner who really helped me feel good about pushing more for doing a VBAC.  My Doctor was OK with me "trying" to do one but really thought that I was not a very good candidate.  But after talking to the other doctor I felt like I actually could be a good candidate.  So Any way today was the day to talk to him about it.  I really Love my OB I think he is a great doctor and really listens to me... We were in his office for 45 min talking to him.  I had a list of all things I wanted to talk about because I always forget:) He was so patient with me Answered all my questions. We came to the point that my body willing he would let me go over and try for a VBAC.  I was still torn on what to do.  I have anxiety and I like the fact that with a c-section I know when she will come and no surprises.  But I REALLY wanted a VBAC but was so affraid that I would labor again for 24 hours just to end in an emergency C-section.  So it really had been weighing heavy on me what to do.  (  I have prayed about this and came to peace that if I was showing signs of progressing that I would try for VBAC but if by week 36 if I was not I would just do a C-section b/c a planned c-section is much better experience (so I hear) then an emergency.  So after talking with him about Several things We went ahead and schedule a C-section so I could have the day I want/availability with the known that I could CX it at anytime.  While we where scheduling it with the Nurse the Doc decided to go back and look at notes from having Logan... Well lets just say the decision was made I NO longer had options. 
-background:
When you have a C-section they cut horizontal on the outside and depending on the baby and how it is in your tummy they cut you horizontal or vertical on the inside....If you have any vertical cuts/ or tears you are at high risk for your Uterine wall to rupture during a birth which results bleed to death and other complication. 
So with that said apparently while pulling Logan out of the womb I got a tear going vertical that needed to be stitched up therefore resulting in NO VBAC:( 
To be honest it was a huge relief to hear this....Not because I did not want a VBAC I really did but not knowing the unknown and just waiting was really stressing me out.  Now I can plan and be ready. Ians mom already bought her tkt to fly down here and help so she will be here when we schedule it and I just feel at peace with it.  So we will have baby girl June 30 @ 7:30am.  Logan will still be asleep when we go in and so it will work out that by the time he gets up and dressed etc.  I should be ready for them to come up and see baby!! The Doc says because it is scheduled that I will most likely be able to go home a day earlier then I did with Logan b/c you just heal faster which was music to my ears I wanted to leave the hospital so bad with Logan I was there for 5 days.  
I am really sad that I will never have the opportunity to deliver V but I think I have come to peace with it. It was a really hard road excepting it after Logan but I think It will be much easier emotionally this time b/c I know its going to go down this way!
(I know I used c-section and VBAC alot just in case you did not notice I thought I would point it out:) VBAC= vaginal birth after cesarean I had this whole confo with this girl and at the end she goes now what is a vbac so just in case I am not assuming anymore. 

President Monsen said:

Never Let a problem to be solved

become more important

Than a person to

BE LOVED

PINK

That’s right folks PINK we are having a baby girl!! I know what some are you are thinking, I thought you were done with Logan.  We I really felt like I was but then we really got thinking about it and with not really knowing where I was going to go medical wise we decided we should maybe have another before the option was taken away completely. And then if we did have another we wanted to have them close b/c we are already in baby mode and have baby stuff. It took a year with Logan so we really did not know how long it would take us I thought maybe a little longer than it did but it’s going to work out. Her due date is exactly two years from Logan’s due date July 7^th  crazy that it is the same day. I most likely am going to have to have another C-section that is planned for June 3o but I REALLY want to do a VBAC but I really don’t know what way I’ll have her until she comesJ I might get an Idea at my next appointment in two weeks.  So if you haven’t realized I am pretty far along only have like 8 weeks left I am 32 weeks. I really don’t know why I am struggling with posting this one… I guess because we waited so long to tell everyone that when we finally did it did not seem such a big deal to post, and the fact that I kept thinking about all the cute ways I could post it and could come up with nothing so I just kept blowing it off.  But I decided it’s time b/c I want to post so many other things that are going along with it that I just finally said today is the day.  I had my baby shower for her last weekend and got so many cute outfits it really got me excited to meet this little girl and put her in all her little outfits I am really ready for her to come. I am not sure what to expect Logan we thought would come out way dark with dark curly hair brown eyes but no he is my light hair skin blue eyed adorable little boy. So I really have no clue what she will look like and it’s killing me.  I hope the next weeks come fast (but not too fast I still have a ton of things to get done before she comes.) Here are a few pictures from the shower…

31 weeks

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Happy Easter

We had an amazing Easter. We spent saturday at my moms for her annual easter egg hunt. This year it was just My family and my brother Josh and his family. The kids a a fun time. Ian got a Jump house from his work and the kids loved it. It was so fun seeing Logan able to praticipate this year He is getting so big. We also had a great dinner at my moms today. I am so greatful for my Savior and His love for me. How blessed I am because of his sacrifce. He has blessed me to be able to be with my amazing Family for eternity. I hope you all enjoyed this Easter Sunday. ( I am typing this at 12:30AM and I know there is a lot of spelling I am just glad I am getting something posted:)

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events of today...thank you Brooke

Had a crazy busy day today. First I helped my mom with the food for the Family History Fair it turned out way nice but I way tired for standing so much. From there went to my Amazing friend Brooke's house where she taught me TONS about blogging WOW there is alot I did not know about so I am happy that I might be able to make a blog I will be happy with:) I just hope I retain it all. I have been VERY forgetful latley. Then Katie and JOe came over to help Ian with his math(thank you thank you) Logan had a hard time falling asleep with all the people over poor guy made himself through up so I would go in his room and get him(not the first time he has done this) but it has been a while he has been going to bed pretty good but it was nice chatting with katie and logan went right to sleep when they left Thank goodness. So Ian went and got Ice cream and it was Yummy....Now off to bed. Not the best post but I am trying to at least write something!

get the popcorn this is a long one

So it has been Way crazy around here! Last week I felt like the energizer bunny just without the energy but I kept going and going and going. First off I taught a finical class for my mom’s ward enrichment class. It’s the first off three classes. I love teaching it. I was a little scared (well let’s not lie) A LOT scared… Ian and I taught a six week course last fall and it was great b/c we spilt the time and he could help fill in my scatterness  But this time it was an hour class all ME. I thought there was NO way that I could teach for an hour…boy was I wrong. I had an interesting experience. I just could not get my thoughts together on how I wanted to teach and what I wanted to say I stayed up many nights just going over and over what I wanted to do and NOTHING!! So on top of having this crazy week I thought oh Ill have play group at my house it was actually nice to just stop thinking about it and relax a little. After everyone left and I got both boys down(thank goodness) and I had like what 6 hours before I taught I thought ok heavenly Father what do I need to teach and then it hit me so hard I knew what I needed to do. It was crazy it was a total different direction on which I had planned to do so I felt so unprepared but at the same time I have never had such strong feelings to change what I had planned and do what needs to be taught so I felt peace that everything would work out. It’s amazing how fast time flies when you are passionate about something….I can talk for hours on finances. I can’t wait tell the next class!

So now that the class is done I moved on to the next thing of the week …Baby shower for my best friend.
We have been walking every Mon,Wed,Fri. So Wed Morning Kathryn texted me nothing abnormal we text hourly but she put hey could I come over before we go walking…..SEVERAL things started to flow through my mind. I thought is she coming to tell me something about the shower and she wants something different no that’s not Kathryn she is the most easy going person I know. Then somewhere way deep down inside …well let me give you some back story I just got really burnt out by a person I thought was a good friend and this seems to happen a lot to me so I thought could this really happen Again and I really thought there was no way I just had no clue but I knew it could not be that… so I waited for her to come over. It was worse She came to tell me she was moving to North Carolina….NOOOOO I finally have an amazing friend and she has to move. I am way happy for them though her husband got a promotion but still very sad. She is one of those friends that I will have for a lifetime. We already have a trip planned to the beach. This woman is an amazing woman and carried me through a really down time in my life and brought Joy to me again. She made me realize how important it is to have girlfriends in your life. She truly will be missed.

So on to the shower….The rest of the week was me running around crazy getting things down for the shower. She is having a baby girl so we did pink and green as the colors. We made cute tissue paper flowers with the help of Melisa another close friend. And way cute thank you gifts…Lots of yummy food and I made some Yummy cupcakes. I forgot my camera so when I get the pictures from Mel I will post them. It turned out so good and she got some amazing gifts. We were just happy that she made it to the shower she is due any day. She is 60%efaced and already at a 3. So hopefully in the next couple of days we will have baby grace here! Oh I tried sewing these really cute onsies with ruffles on the butt they did not turn out good so I really need to practice.
So this is a way long post but that is a little of what is going on in my life. I am going to have a LAZY week!

ok I take it back

So I came across a new blog template website and LOVE it so now I think I can blog again cause I have a cute one:) I have to teach a class at enrichment on FHE for people with little ones tommorrow and I am way scared. I have not taught in a long time and The fact that I have an 18 month old I dont have much experiance. But I guess they want to hear what I have to say. I hope it goes well I am sure it will it only has to be 15-20 min I can handle that. So thursday I will post a BIG post with pictures and all and get everyone caught up on US. Thanks for sticking with me through time of silence. I am really going to try hard and do this.

And this is why...

And this is why I hate blogging.... I can never make my page cute. Everyone I know has the way cute pages and they change them all the time. URGH It took me like two hours to do this one it it looks so bad! Well maybe Ill keep trying but now you know:)